The fire is burning...

Chicken Jokes

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 23:14:16 GMT

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road... ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

SARAH PALIN: BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE : I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious c ase of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, In peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 07:30:45 GMT

Initiation was today...

Wow, just wow...

Big sister

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 07:25:48 GMT

So this week I get my big sister.

For all of you unaware of the process, we rank the older girls and they rank us and they try to pair people together. Then the big sister find out who their littles are. Then for the following weeks they leave presents outside of thier door, the littles, however, have no idea who they are.

So I have an awesome big sister:
a. One of her clues was I like to dance in my underwear.
b. She wrote back to me after I slid a note under the door today.
c. She isn't mad at me for spraying her with silly string last night (I didn't peek, so I still don't know who she is).
d. OMFG She left me a FISH tonight!

Thus I get to my final point (damn I've been writing too many papers).

Does anyone know how to take care of a betta fish? I've never had one before.

Btw he's lovely and pink. Oh, and I'm completely enamored with him :-).

ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on rah!

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 05:18:08 GMT

So, I came home for the game, and have proceeded to realize how much I miss dorm life. I got a camera, so there will be many more pictures the future. I have a meeting tomorrow, and I get my greek big sister this week (So ExCiTeD!). School is awesome, I love Anatomy and Physiology, our bodies are so friggan cool, you don't even know. My sisters got me into Gray's Anatomy, so now I live Thursday to Thrusday. We all watched it in the suite this week, and then played the most intense game of charades EVER (telephone charades with the prompt "bull fighting during channukah" yeah ou trying guessing that after 4 people (who didn't recieve the prompt) have acted it by only watching the persons actions before them). Life is special, my roommate and I are going man hunting next weekend, YEAH! Working hard and playing hard, the usual. Hope yall are doing well.

Peace Out

ARRRR(GH)!

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:16:29 GMT

Just FYI: Arr! Today be international talk like a pirate day! Shiver me timbers.

Have a fabulous day :-).

holla!

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 05:14:46 GMT

Just FYI: I downloading the soundtrack to Across the Universe today and it's gorgeous, you should seriously check it out.

Also, who's going to be in for ST.X Trin? We should get together.

Also, Congratulation Corinne (forgive me if I just mutilated your name)! What play are you doing? Tell me about your character.

So today when I was walking back to the dorm from class I slipped on the sidewalk curve and fell on the hood of someone's car. Another fun day in the life of a complete clutz!

But hey, the car didn'y have an alarm on it, I love my life :).

Life thus far...

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:44:03 GMT

So for all of you that don't use the facebook, I just joined a Sorority. Today was formal pledging, and it was quite moving. I thought college was awesome before but it just a million times better...

It like AHS but without all the drama and with much more mature people (naturally, they're older). So they we're telling us about the sisterhood today and they were totally staright up about it. They said that they don't always get along, but in the end, they are always there for each other. Just like family.

Life is so good...

Holla Freshmen!

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 05:05:09 GMT

So today we had redonkulous water games (at LEAST 4000 balloons). My team went all crazy and did facepaint, so I'm walking back to my dorm not only soaking wet but also with a face covered in paint. So I stick the key into the door to get to the inside of my hall and...

the key gets stuck in the door.

Yeah so, I left my roomie with the key so I could go fetch an RA. She came down and was obviously not expecting my....interesting apparal. So she calls the matience people who will be here in "who knows how long".

So I went back to the key and me and this kid James (who looks just like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, I'm serious), kept messing with it until the effing thing came out.

After a while I came back downstairs and guess what?

Somebody else's key was stuck in the door.

So I live in a hall with a demon door. Maybe I should look above it for an inscription that tells me the password. Partay!

College is the shit! Later guys!

Movin' in and Movin' up!

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 03:48:44 GMT

I'm here and not dead. Playing with roommate talk to yall later.

Packing up...

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 01:25:25 GMT

Omfg! Packing is the biggest bitch on the face of this planet. Why didn't any of yall warn me?

So today was the last day at the barn. It was kinda sad, but it has to happen. I said goodbye to my poney today. You know, I think he realized that today was the last time, because he was an angel the whole entire lesson (like so good it was scary, very weird for him). I hope he goes to someone who will love him as much as I do.

The bruise from where I fell off on Saturday is getting bigger. Is that a bad thing?

So the this-is-the-shit-that-goes-to-college room looks very scary, and I feel like I'm packing too much, I think I'm going to downsize the clothes. Any packing suggestions?

Does anyone know how to do LJ cuts? Care to teach me how?

Wow, what a random entry. Sorry about that guys, I'll do better next time.

Today

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 04:25:30 GMT

I taught my first riding lesson today. I loved it, the little girl was sooo sweet...

But God...sometimes when I'm around little kids I feel so...

jaded.

And I know it will happen to them too...

One day life won't be so glittery and they will know what it fells like when the world slaps you in the face...

And that fact breaks my heart.

Blah

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 22:03:05 GMT

Once upon a time there was a girl... who spent her entire day getting stuck like a friggan pin cushion and now she is in search of midnight BINGO.

Ah...I love my life :).

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 03:09:39 GMT

liekwoahjesuschristonapogostick! My Mom bought special markers that can write on windows!!!!!!!!!!!

They are amazing!! *dies*
*WoOt*

I am easily amused *shrug*!

test

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 21:37:10 GMT

♥

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 06:32:00 GMT

Hehe I just got my schedual seeing as I just got home, here it is.
A- Adv. Choir
B-English
C- Algebra 2
D-Study
E- AP Gov and Pol
F- Cath Social Teaching
G- CP Spanish
H- Physics

I'm Back!

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 05:53:53 GMT

Guess who's back?
And guess who went to CANADA!!! I bpought my Harry Potter book there and, it's not the American version, it's the English version (wOoT!). It's slightly starge to read, thier grammer is weird. Yeah the cover of my book has a picture of the Advanced Potions Making book on it.

Whoo I started it today and am half way through! It's very exciting, if you don't have it go get it ;).

I have BAD jet lag, but I'll see yall later

P.S.
I saw whales, real live whales. It was sooooooooo cool. I'll tell you more tomorrow.

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 20:49:49 GMT

What do YOUR livejournal friends think of you? by broadwayrl
username
favourite color
sex
is only your friend because you told them to be	bakazaru7
fantasizes about your feet	rainbowrock13
wants you dead	belle113007
thinks your moms HOTT STUFF	seejanetwirl
wishes they were closer to you	stagetechy
writes songs about you	goldfishmajesty
loves you very much	rainlightautumn
misses you	erbreakingfree
wishes they knew you better	onceuponanever

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 03:05:55 GMT

test...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 03:46:13 GMT

<<http://media.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2461/flyin_egg_fight.swf>>
Go there you know you want to.

OMG for Antigone my sole purpose is going to be to make the dead body *twitch*. Lol how fun

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I =
was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a =
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the =
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and =
lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you =
can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos =
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? =
yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.=20

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was

> missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the

> Archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day.

>

> He inquired of God, "Where have You been?"

>

> God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly

> pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael,

> look what I've made!"

>

> Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is

> it?"

>

> "It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on

> it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be

> a great place of balance."

>

> "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

>

> God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth,

> "For example, northern Europe will be a place of

> great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe

> is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will

> be a hot spot. And over there I've placed a

> continent of white people, while over here is a

> continent of black people."

>

> God continued, pointing to different countries."This

> one will be extremely hot and arid while this one

> will be very cold and covered in ice."

>

> The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed

> to a large land mass and said, "What's that one?"

>

> "Ah," said God. "That's Kentucky, the most glorious

> place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers,

> sunsets and rolling hills. The people from Kentucky

> are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and

> they are going to be found traveling the world. They

> will be extremely sociable, hard working and high

> achieving, and they will be known throughout the

> world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

>

> Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then

> proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there

> would be balance!"

>

> God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots

> I'm putting around them in Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,

> Virginia & Tennessee."

*Go KY*

ttyl.

Ba dum didi dum

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 17:40:31 GMT

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be)

*snort* I've been inspired.

Omg I can knit now guys, it's totally fun.

Also I can now sing this and play the piano accomanyment (at the same time) and it dosn't sound half bad.

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses [x3]

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 03:07:01 GMT

What ^ yall?

I'm sitting here being bored because I have no homework, does that me I don't have a life?

Well the crocheting is going grand, I feel like such an old lady just sitting here hour after hour crocheting.
You know, I have realized that all I'm doing is making hundreds of knots in the perfectly good yarn. Yet it is strange, something that usually is a hassle turns out to make something beautiful.

Nothing's as it originally seems, always look from a different angle.

~Phyre

P.S. Caitlan wtf do want for your birthday? *melodramatic angry face with largely raised eyebrows and great gnashing of teeth*

First Rehearsal....

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 22:44:14 GMT

Well the read through was exciting. The play is kinda boring, it dosn't do the book justice. My part's really small so this is going to be a zero-stress show. This means I might actually get back to horseback riding *jumps up and down*. Tomorrow we have to go back to school *whine*.

Thought Provoking Question of the Day: What are you living for? What get you through everyday?

AHS Drama part cuatro!

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 22:56:33 GMT

Ta da! I made the play, and I'm a Jew!! Woo hoo!!

Omg Beth is so right about Music of The Night. Poor bell choir, I smell perverted jokes coming on!!

Okay I borded beyond belife!!! Someone call me and make sure I haven't died from bordom.

Crap I have rehersal tomorrow, again!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
DunDunDunDun
Duuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn

The phantom's coming to geeeeet you!!!!

Round two...

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 22:11:51 GMT

Hey I just got this from my bell choir conductor, anyone feeling spiritual enough to go? Not real sure what will be going on but if worse comes to worse we can leave and laugh about it on the way out. *shrugs*

A Concert For Peace: Creating A ‘Tsunami of Compassion’

Please join Harry Pickens and friends on
Monday, January 24 as we
tap the power of music, chant, sound, and silence to ease suffering, restore hope, and
raise funds for victims of the recent
devastation in South Asia.

8 – 9:15 P.M.
University of Louisville
Comstock Concert Hall
Free Admission (Donations for tsunami relief will be collected)

Unprecedented tragedy.

The destruction unleashed in South Asia is astonishing in its scope. Entire villages annihilated. Nearly 150,000 dead. 500,000 injured. Unbearable grief, fear, trauma, pain, and suffering. Five million thrust into conditions where basic survival needs are threatened.

Crisis = Opportunity.

As across the globe we rise in response, sharing money, food, aid, loving support, we face an ‘open moment’ – a tremendous opportunity to remember that humanity is ONE – and to do our part in service of a world that works for ALL.

A ‘Tsunami of Compassion’

Think about the massive destructive power of this tsunami. Now imagine an equivalent CONSTRUCTIVE, positive energy -- wave after wave of lovingkindness, compassion, peace, healing, generosity, and understanding -- sweeping the globe and transforming all in its path – helping to restore those essential inner qualities of faith, hope, peace, joy and possibility for all humanity.

On Monday January 24, we will gather to contribute to such a ‘tsunami of compassion’.

‘Tidal waves’ of Love,
Light, Healing and Support

Through the power of music, chant, song and silence, we will allow ourselves to become instruments of the Divine Source of all harmony, wholeness, healing and good.
Beginning in the invisible realm of thought – with contemplation, meditation, and prayer. Evoking wave after wave of love, positivity, and peace for all those who have suffered loss of life, limb, and love during 2004.
Raising thousands of dollars to go to direct aid and assistance.
Pianist, composer, teacher Harry Pickens will guide our journey.
Please join us for this remarkable evening.

I dunno could be weird. Who the hell is Harry Pickens?!?

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 22:02:04 GMT

I just played ball outside with my dog, it was the most fun I've had all month. He's really good at it, brings the ball back and everything. Sometimes he goes a bit too fast and runs into you though, it's kinda cute.

I feel disconnected. Is everyone doing okay?